Therapy Should Feel Like a Place Where You Can Actually Be Yourself
Have you ever left a therapy session thinking, “I don't know how to explain it, but I don't think my therapist really got me?”
Maybe you spent the entire session trying to figure out what your therapist was actually asking because they used language that felt vague or confusing. Maybe you were distracted by the lights, the sounds, or the environment around you. Or was it that you left wondering why something that seemed so simple to everyone else felt so exhausting to you?
If you've had that experience, you’re not alone.
At Perspectiva Counseling, I believe therapy should be a place where you can show up as yourself. You should not have to spend your session trying to figure out how to communicate in the "right" way, hide the things that make you different, or translate your experience into language that makes sense to someone else, especially for neurodivergent clients.
A recent study by Jones et al. (2025) explored the experiences of neurodivergent adults in counseling and asked an important question: Is therapy actually accessible and affirming for the people who are seeking it?
And of course, as many things are not simple or clean cut (especially when it comes to ADHD, ASD, or AuDHD), the answer is more complicated than a yes or no.
Sometimes, the hardest part is being understood
One of the things that stood out to me in this research was how much communication mattered. Participants described having very different experiences with the way therapists communicated. Some appreciated direct, validating language. Others found vague explanations, figurative language, or unclear communication confusing and stressful (Jones et al., 2025).
That matters because communication is not just about what a therapist says. It is also about whether the client can understand what is being communicated and feels comfortable asking for clarification, and if you've spent years being told that you are "too much," "too sensitive," "overthinking," or "missing the point," you may already be hesitant to say, “I don't understand what you're asking me.”
Clients have shared with me that sometimes, it’s easier to nod and move on than to explain the neurodivergent experience to someone who is completely neurotypical.
At Perspectiva Counseling, I want there to be room for you to say, "Wait, can you explain that differently?" You shouldn't have to pretend you understand something just because you're sitting in a therapy office. Open communication, clarity, and a strong rapport where you feel comfortable to share is what creates safety.
You don't have to make yourself smaller in therapy
For many neurodivergent women, therapy can also become another place where masking shows up.
I’ve seen women who have spent years learning how to appear more organized, more social, less emotional, less intense, or more "together" than you actually feel. I believe that the societal expectations of women make it more likely for us to mask, and less likely to get the diagnosis that actually describes what your experience is. With all of your practice seeming to “keep it together,” you walk into therapy and unknowingly do the same thing.
You give the answer you think you're supposed to give, and you edit yourself. You try to stay on topic. You worry that you're talking too much. However, what if the things you are tempted to edit out or hold back are exactly what you need to process?
If you have a lot to say, I want there to be space for that. In fact, I love giving women the space to have a full session to share exactly what their thoughts look like. If your thoughts come out in five different directions before you eventually get to the thing you were trying to explain, that does not mean you're doing therapy wrong.
Your environment matters too
The Jones et al. (2025) study also highlighted something that can easily get overlooked in therapy: the physical environment.
Participants described different reactions to things like lighting, noise, the overall feel of the space, and other sensory experiences. Some environments felt clinical or uncomfortable, while others felt more welcoming and supportive. Importantly, participants were not always asked about sensory needs or reasonable accommodations (Jones et al., 2025).
This is a good reminder that therapy does not happen in a vacuum. You are a whole person sitting in a particular environment, having a particular sensory experience, while also trying to talk about things that may already feel vulnerable. If something about the environment makes it harder for you to focus, communicate, or feel comfortable, that matters.
You do not need to feel embarrassed about mentioning it, and I actually encourage clients to tell me. Is there a weird echo when I speak? Let me know so I can mute myself. Is my background bothersome to you? Not a problem, let me shift. Need to get a fidget while we speak? Absolutely.
One of the benefits of telehealth is that you get to have our counseling sessions in the space that feels the most comfortable for you, and I highly encourage clients to make the best use of it.
Accommodations should not feel like a test
One of the most important findings from the study was that many participants had never been offered reasonable adjustments in counseling. Some were unsure what they could ask for because they had never been asked before (Jones et al., 2025).
As someone who advocates for disabilities, and works with many neurodivergent people, this gave me a pause, and made me think:
How are you supposed to know what you need if you've spent your entire life adapting yourself to environments that were not designed with you in mind?
You’re probably not going to walk into therapy with a list of accommodations. Heck, you may not even know that what you're experiencing has anything to do with neurodivergence.
That is okay. As a therapist, we can work through what you are experiencing together, go over your strengths, and what you need for this to be a space where you can truly unmask, unravel, and discover what is going on.
Therapy does not need to look the same for everyone
There is no single "neurodivergent therapy experience." Neurodivergence is not a personality type, and there is no universal checklist for what every neurodivergent client needs.
One person may want very direct communication. Someone else may need more time to process a question. One person may find it helpful to talk through every detail. Another may prefer to sit with a question before answering.
The goal is not to find the perfect set of accommodations for every neurodivergent person. The goal is to get curious about you. Questions we can explore during sessions may look like:
What helps you feel comfortable?
What makes communication easier?
What makes it harder?
What have you been doing your whole life to compensate for things that other people may not have noticed?
What if you’re not looking for "fixing"
This is especially relevant for women who come to therapy after a major life transition or a late neurodivergent diagnosis.
I’ve seen it where you've spent years believing you were failing at things that seemed easy for everyone else (laundry anyone??). Maybe you have built a life that looks perfectly functional from the outside while feeling completely exhausting on the inside, yet you somehow still find yourself doomscrolling at 2am. Maybe you are not in crisis at all. You simply want a place to process what is happening, understand yourself better, and make adjustments before you reach the point of burnout.
That is a valid reason to come to therapy. I can’t stress this enough, there is no one “right” reason to come to therapy. Any reason to want to come is a valid reason. You don’t have to wait until everything falls apart and you are in crisis. Maintenance counseling matters too!
What I want you to know about therapy at Perspectiva Counseling
If you are neurodivergent, questioning whether you might be, navigating a major life change, or simply someone who has a lot going on in your head, I want therapy to be a place where you can bring the whole picture.
You DO NOT have to have the perfect words.
You DO NOT have to organize your thoughts before you arrive (I love when clients take me on their thought journeys).
You DO NOT have to apologize for talking a lot.
You DO NOT have to prove that your struggles are "bad enough" to deserve support, this isn’t the trauma olympics.
Research like the study by Jones et al. (2025) reminds us that accessible and affirming therapy requires therapists to pay attention to communication, sensory experiences, accommodations, and the individual needs of each client. For me, that means staying curious about the person sitting across from me rather than assuming I already know what they need. Even with lived experience, my experience is not yours. Yours is unique, and therapy should be a space where you get to be understood.
If that sounds like the kind of therapy you've been looking for, Perspectiva Counseling is a great place to start.
References
Jones, F., Hamilton, J., & Kargas, N. (2025). Accessibility and affirmation in counselling: An exploration into neurodivergent clients' experiences. Counselling and Psychotherapy Research, 25, e12742. https://doi.org/10.1002/capr.12742
