Things I won’t judge you for as a therapist

Have you ever been afraid of being judged by your therapist? It’s something that I hear constantly. Clients will tell me, “I’m nervous about how you will take this or what you will think of me.” I’ve even heard, “I’ve left previous therapists because I’ve started to feel judged.” When you come to therapy, you are opening yourself up and putting it all out on the table. You are forcing yourself to be vulnerable in ways you may not even be in your own life. With this openness comes a fear of how it will be perceived. I want to make this incredibly clear: therapy is a safe space, free from judgement, where you can unmask and be your true self. It is not a space for you to feel criticized or evaluated, or where you have to show your best self.

Here’s some things I will not judge you for, as a therapist.

Your Hygiene

I’ve had clients apologize for their hygiene more times than I can count. People will share they haven’t brushed their teeth or their hair, they feel gross, they came straight from the gym (yay for self-care! please come sweaty anytime), or they haven’t been able to shower. With any of these, I’m grateful that they came to work on themselves.

Many mental health conditions can impact hygiene. Depression, anxiety, burnout, or ADHD can alter your levels of hygiene due to the fatigue, lack of motivation, and low-self worth that comes with them. It can feel like an impossible task to get out of bed to take care of yourself after feeling emotionally exhausted from the day. This doesn’t make you “lazy,” or “bad,” it makes you a person going through something incredibly heavy.

Hygiene can be something we work on together in therapy, if you wish, by setting small goals for yourself. It can also be something that you want to tackle on your own. No matter the case, just know that I do not care how you show up or what you look like, I’m just glad you came. Plus, I promise you, I’ve seen it all. You haven’t left bed to shower in two days? I’ve heard it all and more.

Staying In (or Going Back to) and Unhealthy Relationship

This is a big one. I’ve heard from so many people that they’ve stopped therapy before because they felt judged for doing something that their therapist felt was unhealthy or “wrong.” Oftentimes, this has been going back to a relationship that you know is not good for you. For the people that need to hear this, judgement does not create change, it just creates shame. That shame and the guilt can keep you stuck longer, and make you feel isolated and alone.

The truth is, relationships are complicated. It can be hard to leave a relationship because of the intense emotions and psychological and financial connections. Being in this situation can be a cycle that brings low self-worth, isolation, and fear of being alone, which causes you to stay.

As a therapist, I’m going to trust that you are the expert in your life, and you know what is best for you. I’m also going to be there to support you every step of the way, even if you make a choice that I may not agree with. My role is not to tell you what to do or even what I would do in your situation. My job is to understand your experience, help you explore patterns you make, and support you in making decisions that align with your values.

This is your life, and if you feel too guilty to bring something up in therapy due to the fear of how it will be perceived, not only will it damage the therapeutic relationship, but it’s not going to help you process what is going on and give you the space to change.

Feeling Like Your Struggles Aren’t “Serious Enough”

This one comes up from even some of my weekly regulars (and I get to use my favorite line on them). It looks like you saying “well, it’s not that bad,” “I don’t even know why I’m here,” “this really wasn’t that traumatic,” or “other people have it way worse.” If you’ve ever felt this way coming to therapy, you aren’t alone. But (my favorite phrase) this is not the trauma olympics. They aren’t handing out gold medals to the person who has it “the worst.” We aren’t competing. Your pain does not need to be compared to others in order to be valid.

If something is bothering you or impacting your life, it matters, and it is worth bringing to therapy. Minimizing your experience doesn’t make it go away, it just makes it more isolating. Therapy is your space to talk about your life, your feelings, and your struggles. This is not a place where you need to justify why it’s “bad enough.” We are here to look at how this has affected you.

A Space For Your Authentic Self

My goal in therapy is simple. I want to create a space where you can unmask, and show your true authentic self. This is a space for you to feel safe, and welcome. I want you to be able to show up on your worst days, say things you’ve never been able to say before, and have all of your feelings judgement free. Healing does not happen in spaces where you are criticized. It happens in spaces where you feel understood.

If you’ve been holding off therapy because you’re worried about being judged, I hope this helps!