Have you ever been told you are lazy?
When it comes to having ADHD or anxiety, I’m sure you’ve been called “lazy” before, either by others or by yourself. You feel like you just can’t get everything done on your to do list, and the expectations are high. As a therapist with lived experience with ADHD, it’s something that I’ve heard my entire life. “Just do it. You are being lazy.” It’s hard to feel productive when the procrastination has you down, or feeling like you just don’t have the energy to get done what you needed to. Somehow, this results in you spending 2 hours on TikTok rather than cleaning your house or getting that project done for work. I’m here to tell you that you are not lazy. In fact, with ADHD or anxiety, your brain is wired in a completely different way.
You’re mentally overloaded from thinking about everything. All of the time.
Your brain never stops. Especially for my moms and women out there, you most likely hold the mental and emotional load of your household. You are the one having to plan out dinners, figure out schedules, and organize playdates. You are so busy doing everything for everyone else, when you have the brief moments of free time, your brain is so tired that it no longer can do anything else. These moments of “laziness” may actually be needing a break, and your brain telling you that you need to relax. You are stuck in overthinking, but not in lack of effort.
Executive Dysfunction
What looks like “laziness” is often executive dysfunction. Executive dysfunction is when your brain’s management system is disrupted, causing difficulties in organization, planning, and completing tasks. You may start a task, but not be able to finish it. Or even though you bought a system to organize your desk, it’s still a complete mess (as I type this from my very messy work space area). I’ve even had people have difficulties with making dinner, because of the process of choosing what to eat, finding the ingredients, following a recipe and then cleaning up takes a lot of mental energy.
Executive dysfunction means that even if you want to do the thing, your brain struggles with starting tasks, prioritizing what matters most, task shifting, and finish what you started. When you do the thing, you may freeze, or avoid, or do something for instant gratification like a sweet treat or doom scrolling. You aren’t lazy, your brain is literally overwhelmed and unable to complete the task.
How To Handle This
Now that you know why you feel this way, what can you do about it? The most important thing I want to remind you is that lazy people don’t usually feel guilty or anxious about resting. I find that reframing can not only help get you started, but also help you work on being kind to yourself. Instead of asking, “Why am I so lazy?” ask yourself “What is making this feel so hard to start?” This allows you to get to the root of the problem. Is it too many steps? Are you unclear on where to begin? Is it the fear of not doing it perfectly? Is it mental exhaustion? When you understand the why, you can figure out how to support your needs.
