Normal things in therapy, from a therapist.

Have you ever had hesitations about going to therapy because you didn’t know what it would be like? Have you ever had fear or shame about doing something that would be considered “abnormal?” I’m here to debunk some common fears and worries I’ve heard, and I promise as a therapist, they are completely normal!

Crying

If you have ever started crying in therapy, know that you are not alone. Clients cry in therapy for a variety of reasons, and not just because you are talking about something sad. The first is that you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Especially for the high-powered women I work with, this may be the first time that you let down your guard and share your feelings. It can feel overwhelming at times to release the pressure that you normally keep on yourself. Letting go and giving yourself space to be your true authentic self can lead to tears.

It’s also okay (and totally expected!) to cry when discussing a situation that’s sad, causes grief, or was traumatic. Therapy can bring up difficult memories and crying is a way for your body to physically process your emotions. You are allowed to release the control you normally have, and express how you feel. Crying is a healthy coping skill.

Not Knowing What to Say

Maybe this is your first time in therapy, maybe this is your 100th. Either way, sometimes you may come in unsure about what you want to talk about. I’ve heard, “I don’t have much going on this week,” or “I don’t know what to bring up today.” This is completely normal! As a therapist, it is my job to ask you questions that get you talking and think about what is happening in your life. When a client comes in unsure of how to start, I’ll normally ask about your week. What has been challenging about your week? What has been the best moment, what has been the worst? Is there anything you would do differently? If that doesn’t get you talking, I may move into goals. What do you want to accomplish? What do you have to look forward to?

I also always enjoy checking in with things we’ve discussed in the past. If we have been working on communication or boundaries, tell me about how those have been going. Or maybe, for my ADHD clients, we explored a few weeks ago setting up a system to help keep you organized. Tell me how that is going. No matter what it is, I promise I will get you talking. It is not my therapeutic style to sit in silence and stare at each other until something comes to your mind.

Feeling Nervous

It is completely normal to feel nervous about therapy! For many women I work with, this is the first time you have been given a space to release your emotions and be yourself. Because it is so new, it can bring up worries and fears. Once we establish rapport and build a relationship, the nerves tend to go down. Clients also feel nervous because they are bringing up something that causes anxiety or worries. Therapy is for hard topics, and nerves are the body’s way of trying to protect yourself emotionally. As your brain learns that therapy is a safe space, it will naturally get easier over time to share, and the anxiety will decrease. Finally, I’ve heard of people feeling nervous that they will be judged by what they tell me. As a therapist, I have heard it all. It is crucial for the theraputic process that my office is a place free from guilt, shame, and judgement towards you. I will not judge you for what you tell me, no matter what it is.

Talking About the Same Thing

You are literally in therapy to process something in your life. That breakup that happened a few months ago? Or the guy that ghosted you after speaking for 6 months. Or maybe it’s the way your mother-in-law continues to bulldoze your boundaries. No matter what it is, therapy is your space, and you get to decided how long we discuss something. Processing what happened and your emotions does not follow a timeline. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to process it, it happens the way it does. As a therapist, it’s my job to listen, and I will never judge you for talking about the same thing again and again. As a matter of fact, I like hearing about it, and going over different angles or perspectives with you!

Don’t be afraid

Overall, therapy is your space, and I don’t want you to be afraid to tell your therapist anything. Most likely, I’ve seen it or heard it before. There is no right or wrong way to do therapy, and even if it’s uncomfortable, like crying or feeling nervous, it’s completely normal.